Loving Who you Are Now

As you all can see from the photos I post of my self I am "plus size."  I have never really been skinny.  Even as a child I was chunky.  I was a very active child and was outside playing all summer til it was time to come in for dinner.  I still kept gaining weight.  I played sports in middle school and high school and was being considered by colleges my freshman year for basketball.  No one believed my weight when I would tell them what it was.  You don't look that fat, they would say.  I was so unhappy with myself over my size.  I would beat myself up by talking down to myself. I put on a facade of self confidence when deep down I had zero.  Even though boys liked me and told me I was beautiful I didn't believe them, to be honest with you until recently I had a hard time believing my husband when he told me I was sexy.

Last year I started working out to try and lose weight. I lost 40lbs and still was not happy.  I kept trying to lose more and more weight but my body stalled.  I'm still the same weight I was when I quit killing my self with working out.  I prayed for answers from God and He answered by letting me hear my beautiful little girl say she was ugly, when she is GORGEOUS!  She had heard me talk down about myself so often she was now doing it!  She has opened my eyes and you know what I AM BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!



  I don't care if the size 2 girl sitting next to me thinks I'm fat because yes I may be fat but I love myself so much I don't care what you think.  This body of mine carried 1 baby that came 13 weeks early and 2 others to term.  I can walk on my 2 feet and sing and dance with my kids.  I eat veggies and fruits and yes I do indulge in junk food( brownies and macarons are my weakness and chocolate eclairs.)  But at least I am enjoying life. I don;t care if you like me in my swimming suit.  I like me in it and I look good.  My butt is to die for and always has been.  My green eyes have a sparkle that I love!  I also have dimples when I smile.  I see me in my beautiful children every day and I want them to love themselves and not be scared to do something.  This year is my year I am going to love myself and some things I feared doing because of my size because my weight doesn't define me or how healthy I am.

Love who you are now. Not who you may become.  Tomorrow is never given.  Your beauty lies within and if you let it out your whole world will change.  I know mine is piece by piece and I can't wait to see what the future holds!

 

Lately...

Life has been a blur lately...We celebrated my son's 3rd birthday last month and my wonderful husband's 30th birthday all in the same week!  I made a video of C over the past 3 yrs... I can't believe how much he has grown and changed...He is definitely a handful!  He tries to get cute when he is in trouble to get out of it...He also gives this look when he wants something...I love him so much...He was such a HUGE surprise when I found out I was pregnant with him...I had had a mirena in when I got pregnant and somehow my body kept the pregnancy and got rid of the mirena! God knew what my little family was missing and gave it to us.

My grandmother also passed away.  She was such a kind woman who loved little ones!  I will miss her tons.  Even though we aren't super close I still remember time I was with her when I would stay over occasionally or she would pick me up from school.  I remember her singing in the car and grocery shopping in her little red hatch back,,,I remember the peanuts jelly jars that she would keep as drinking glasses for the kids...I remember the smell of  the fireplace at her house and I almost always fell asleep on her couch when it was burning...I still have all the bunnies and bears and dolls she made for me...My daughter even loves on one of the rabbits she gave me for Easter one year!  I wish I would have gotten the chance for her to teach me to sew...

My sister's baby is doing exceptionally well and should be home from  the NICU soon...She is now in an open bed and off of oxygen support completely...now she just needs to quit having Bradys and take all her feeds from breast or bottle...right now she is only doing every other feeding.  I don't thing she has had any Bradys in a few days but it has to be so many days before its checked off...she over 4lbs now too...

I have decided to do traditional homeschooling next year with my daughter for sure...I'm not sure if I'm sticking with the online charter for my son or not.  I'm leaning to traditional home school him as well.  The testing is too harsh for kids in the elementary years.  Its longer than college entrance exams and they have so many of them...maybe we will go back to online charter once they are in middle school...

Going to try to do one to three posts a week if possible but idk maybe a recipe day, a home school post day, and just random thoughts and life in general...